God is moving in my life. There is no doubt of His presence.

In six short months, Joel will move from our home to Safe Haven Farms, a community of choice for adults with autism. Wally and I have always believed that Joel deserves a life of his own out in the world. We’ve told him from an early age that when he’s a man he will have his own house or apartment, just like his brothers Matt and Justin. We’ve always been drawn to the community model of the L’Arche communities, and when we toured Bittersweet Farm, which Safe Haven Farms is modeled after, we knew this was the right kind of place for Joel. Fresh air. Meaningful work. Horses to ride and goats to feed. Freedom of movement.

So, why am I starting to freak out?

After twenty years of prayer and seeking, Wally and I finally found a retreat house. It is the fulfillment of everything God laid on our hearts in those long years of prayer: A house in the country on several acres. Check. A big view of the sky. Check. Plenty of trees. Check. Near a state or national park. Check. Near a university. Check. Within an hour of Cincinnati. Check. Our new place (we’ve named it Cloudland) is within a mile of Oxford, Ohio, home of Miami University (where I went to school). It’s also within two miles of Hueston Woods State Park (home of Acton Lake, a great place for sailing). From our new front porch we gaze over fields of waving corn and a cloud-studded sky beautiful enough to break a person’s heart. Several 100-year-old maple trees surround the restored farmhouse, and the barn is flanked by the biggest and oldest osage orange tree is Butler County (it looks like something straight out of a Tolkien novel). Cloudland is a 45 minute drive from Cincinnati, and just 20 minutes from Safe Haven Farms. When Joel is settled in his new home next spring we plan to sell our house in Greenhills and move to Cloudland, where we know God has much in store for us, both ministry-wise and joy-wise.

So, why am I starting to freak out?

Something new is about to be birthed - in my life, in Wally’s life, in Joel’s life. Being pregnant is an exciting time, but it can be scary, too. We have a choice at times like this. We can say “yes” to the mystery of what God is bringing about with this birth - say yes to what comes next - say yes to new life; or, we can say “no” - no thanks, God, I’m comfortable with my life just the way it is - no, I don’t really like a lot of excitement - no, thanks, I think I’ll pass this one up.

We are all like Mary at the annunciation - visited by an angel who says “Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.” Do you think the angel’s words scared Mary? I think so! Did she say yes? You bet!

I love this quote from Meister Eckhart, the mystic and theologian: “We are all meant to be mothers of God. What good is it to me if this eternal birth of the divine Son takes place unceasingly but does not take place within myself? And, what good is it to me if Mary is full of grace if I am not also full of grace? What good is it to me for the Creator to give birth to his Son if I do not also give birth to him in my time and my culture? This, then, is the fullness of time: When the Son of God is begotten in me.”

My stomach is full of butterflies, which feel a lot like the flutter kicks of my sons when I carried them in my womb. Something is about to be birthed. I’m tempted to stay right here where I’m comfortable; keep Joel at home where I can keep a close eye on him.

God is moving in my life. There is no doubt of His presence.

Today, I push my anxieties and doubts aside.

Today, I choose to say YES!